A new start, or maybe not?
by darkangelgirl262
Summary: its before FN, at the same day 'the Berrisford agenda' ends. Alec is still down, and Max wants to help. it has no pairing, but it has MA not in a direct way, but still, about Alec and Max especially! plz r


**Disclaimer: I dont own them...**

**Summary: its before FN. at the end of 'The Berrisdord agenda', its the same night the episode ends with. Alec is still down, and Max wants to help him.**

**A/N: so, my second attempt to write a DA story, hope its good enough... I still havent decided whether this will be a one shot or not, it mostly depends on how many reviews I'll get... so dont forget to leave one when you finish reading!**

**A/N2: so, I'm now editing it, and its all thanks to dazedizzy! thanks a lot!

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**A new start, or maybe not?**

Alec was standing in the dark, not bothering to turn the lights on even though it was the middle of the night. He didn't really need the light, he could see perfectly in the dark because ofhis enhanced vision. He was standing by the window. It was raining and he was just watching the rain fall down. He didn't know why, but everytime he was upset, or really needed to think about something hewould watch the rain.It had this soothing effect on him. it was fuuny actually, cause he didn't really liked the rain, must be his feline DNA and all, but he loved watching it fall.

He was standing there in his appartment, just watching the rain fall and was dwelling on the earlier events of the day. He never used to dwellon anything, because it only made him think - and thinking, well, it brought out his conscience. but all those memories the day had brought up just left him so confused and more than a little sad.

Today he had remembered in the events of somehing that had occurred about a year and a half ago. He remmebered his Berrisford mission, and his furstlove, Rachel. He remembered everything, from the debriefing with his Manticore handlers, to falling in love with a young and beautiful Rachel Berrisford. He had relived thos feeling that was making him feel so good, had made him feel alive , but also horror,because of what he was ordered to do. The explosion of Berrisford's car had been brought to the forefront of his memories. He could still picture the flames as it ate the car, and the people he had thought were inside. Then there came those hellish months in PsyOps, where they had tried very hard to make him the good soldier that he was supposed to be—make him good as new. But he knew a part of him was missing, he just didn't know what is was until yesterday. Now, he realized that he had lost his heart. That beating part of him that had made him human. And it was all Manticore's fault. He felt the familiar burn of hatred for Manticore and he pushed down those feelings. It would do him no good now. Manticore was gone. All he had left were memories. Strangly enough, he felt sad but also relieved. Maybe it was the fact that he got the chance to say goodbye to Rachel—to tell her that he had loved her even when he had never known the emotion before.. Maybe it was because he had this clousure.He wasleft with a bittersweet sadness, but he wasn't going to dwell too much about it, he had to move on, had to be alright. He was always alright. _'yeah right'_ he countered himself. Knowing that was just a mask he told anyone who asked. By now no one could tell he wasn't alright, he had many practise on that mask. But somehow, neither Max nor Joshua seemed to believe him _'maybe their innocent believes makes them understand the world better?... nah… I guess they just, I don't know, maybe they're just guessing?'_ anyway, Alec wasn't going to dwell on that. He didn't want to think about anything, all this thinking kinda made him a headache, the subject was too painful to think of so soon. So he decided to go and get a drink, even if it wont do him nothing (transgenics didn't get drunk so easily). But he decided he had to move, had to do something or he'll turn insane from his own thoughts _' maybe I'm psychic after all…_' he shudder at his own thoughts _'no way'_, and grabbed his jacket and prepared himself to getting wet.

He was driving on his motorcycle heading to crash. He knew that if he wanted to be alone he shouldn't go there cause Max always hang out there with OC and Sketchy, but he wanted to go some where familiar, and maybe deep down he was hoping to meet Max there…that thought was pushed to the back of his mind. 'h_ow can I think about Max when its not even a day after Rachel's death? How cold can I be? Didn't I feel nothing to her?'_ he asked himself angrily, _'yeah, you loved her, but you said it your self, you had a clousure and now its time to move on'_ the other voice in his head said. Its been like that for a while now- this other voice in him, he disnt know where it was coming from, but he was starting to get annoyed by it, it was like he had a conscious '_weird_'

With that in thought he stopped in front of crash, having a final debate whether to enter or not. _'whats the worst that can happen, right?' _

………………………………………….

Meanwhile at crash, Max was sitting by a small round table with OC. OC was Max best friend, best ordinary friend, she knew Max even better than herself she thought sometimes, and she always had this right solution for every problem Max had. And there were more than just a few of those. OC was one of the very few people Max could really trust and one she knew will always be there for her. Will always help her even when there is nothing she can do. That fact was one of the reasons she knew she could always tell her everything and knew OC wont be mad at her. OC was her girl. Or like OC would say, her boo.

Now, at crash, Max was wondering whether she should tell her about Alec or not. The whole situation was awkward. She never thought Alec could be one that could love, and to top it all, during a Manticore mission. From what she understood he was the best of the best, an obedient soldier that does not question his orders. _'guess I was wrong about him, wasnt I?'_

"hey boo, you a'right?" asked OC with a concerned look on her face. Max was too silent tonight.

"yeah, I'm fine." Replied Max, only half paining attention to her friend, she was a bit lost in her thoughts.

"you aint fooling me girl. Tell me what happen?" said OC with a pointed look. She just knew her boo to well. "somethin' 'bout your boy?" asked OC with the perfect, and right, question.

"he's not my boy" said Max as in a reflex, not even noticing she said it.

"whatever you need to tell yourself" said OC with an obvious not believing tone

Max just looked at her with a look mixture of annoyence, and maybe, sad?

"well, it is about Alec" Max started to say but she didn't know if she should tell her friend or not. Under other conditions, she would have told her. But it wasn't about her this time, it was about Alec, and she had a feeling he didn't want everyone to know about this. So she didn't know what to say or do.

"yeah, I kinda figured that one out myself" said OC trying to lighten the mode with no apparent success. "but whats up?" asked OC now curious because of Max's behaviour.

"hm… well, its just.." Max didn't know what to say, she didn't want to lie to her friend, but she didn't want to hurt Alec. ' _wait, OC's your friend much longer than Alec. And he's just a screw up, so he made a decent choice once, doesn't mean he is still like that, I maen, he didn't even rememer it.'_ Max tried to convince herself. She could succed until another thought poped in her mind _'yeah, cause he was at Manticore, what choice did he have? Your just being harsh on him'_ that thought confused Max, since when does she care so much about Alec, her all source of annoyance, with his smart alck attitude and never earasable smirk on his face? With that she decided to tell her friend, maybe she could help her understand more about this whole situation…

"well, you see, at Manticore, there were all kind of units, some to gather intel, some for big operation and some for some ones. But there were also solo missions, assassin missions…"

"assassin? You tellin' me your boy is an assassin?" OC asked, somewhat calm, somewhat nervous about this information. She knew that Max wasn't an assassin, but Alec? That was new information for her. But the odd thing was it didn't scare her, only make her feel strange, knowing he can kill with the heart beat. Of course she knew all transgenics can, but being called assassin made it more dangerous.

"well, thats what he was thaught at Manticore." Said Max and continued before she'll regret it, "and he had this mission, that went sideways, mainly cause he fell inlove with someone he was supposed to kill. He desobeid his order and was sent to psyops and reindoctrination" said Max, getting it out of her system

"Wow" was all OC said. This information was not expected. "but I thought he was the perfect soldier and all, that's what you told me" said OC confused by this new information

"I know, I thought so too, but I only found out about this earlier today when we had a Jam Pony deliver to that house, where he was supposed to, you know... So it triggered his memories and all" said Max

"what do you mean 'triggered his memory'?" asked OC

"after that he was sent to psy ops and reinddoctrination" said Max and explained when she saw OC's quizzical look "when they basically eraes our memories so we'll go back to be good old soldiers" said Max with disgust

"that's just sick" said OC

"you tellin me?" said Max, she knew it all too well.

"so that's why he's been acting so weird? Like playing the piano and all?"

"you got that right. you see, he was undercover as…" began Max but she didn't finished her sentence as she noticed who just walked in. Alec.

"yeah?" asked Oc, curious to know the end of the sentence. She was sitting with her back to the entrance door so she didn't see Alec entering crash. "Max?" OC tried to get her friends attention to no avail. She turned to see at what she was staring at. "oh..you wanna go to him?"

"what? No, why, should I?" asked Max without knowing what to do

"I think you should, who is he gonna talk to, Sketchy?" said OC, always with the right answer.

"what will I do with out you huh?"said Max with a smile at her friends advice

"Idont know, and we'll never find out, cause it aint gonna happen boo" said OC with a reassuring smile.

Max returned her smile and took the pitcher of bear "I'll go get us a refill" said Max and left the table.

"excuses, excuses" mumbled OC to herself with a grin.

…………………………………...

Alec entered crash and immediately scan the place. It was his instincs, making sure everything is normal. He noticed Max and OC talking to each other and wondered what they were talking about. _'probably about Logan_' thought Alec a bit bitter in his thought that surprised him _'whats wrong with me?_' and with that he headed to the bar to get a drink.

…………………………………

He was sitting by the bar, drinking his drink, trying to sort out his thoughts as Max approched him. he didn't need to turn to see her coming, he could sense her, and smel her scent..

"hey" she said looking at him carefully for his response.

"hey" he said emotionless not facing her

Max noticed that and said "you know, my offer still stands. If you need someone to talk to…"

"you're here. Yeah, it was only a few hours ago, I have a good memory you know" said Alec. Not knowing whether to be annoyed or greatfull that she cares.

"so how you've been?" asked Max ignoring his slightly harsh tone

"nothing's changed" said Alec _'what does she want now?_' "is there anything you want from me?" he asked, his tone more harsh than he had intended it to be, but he really just wanted to be left alone, why cant she understand that?

"no, I…I just wanted to make sure you're alright" said Max

"I'm always alright" said Alec without even thinking about it. It was his automatic answer to that question.

"if you need anything, than I'm here." said Max again. She wanted him to know he wasnt alone.

"I understand Max. but cant you just leave me alone?" asked Alec not angry or mad, but like he had no power. It was than she noticed he was soaked wet _'probably from the rain'_ she thought.

"You're all wet!" she said

"really? I didn't notice" said Alec sarcasticly

"why?" she asked confused, she knew for a fact that he didn't like rain. Feline DNA…

"well, you see, there's this little thing called rain and its happening right now outside these walls" he said, still sarcastic

"why thank you to enlight me Alec" she said angrily, she knew that, she wasn't stupid. "are you sure you're o.k, cause driving in the rain isnt a normal thing to do" she said

"well, you see, that's just fine cause I'm not normal, and neither are you. The sooner you understand that, the better" he said angrily.

"hey! You don't need to insult me like that! Whats wrong in wanting to be normal?" she asked him angrily

"you know what, never mind" said Alec taking a zip from his drink

"no, I do mind. So tell me!" said Max still angry at him

"tell you what?" asked Alec not even looking at her

"whats wrong in wanting to be normal?" she repeated her question

"I don't know, just the fact that we're _not_!" he said turning his look at her, starnig at her with this emotionless look

"I didn't say we are, I say _wanted_ to be" said Max trying to convince him. why didn't he want things to be normal

"o.k. so you _want_ to be normal. I get it, its fine I guess" said Alec still with the same stare

"but…" Max waited for the rest of his thoughts

"_but_, who said I wanted to be normal. Who said I can be normal. You've been out in this world so long you forgot…" he started but didn't finish his sentence

"forgot what?" asked Max why cant he just finish a sentence.

"nothing."said Alec finishing his drink

"what? Tell me" said Max, a bit pleading maybe?

"forget it, I'm out'a here" said Alec paining for his drink and left the place before she could stop him, not even saying goodbye or anything.

Max just stared at his retreating back. Not quite understanding what just happened. She went over to him to help him, and she got him storming out of crash. _'good job Max'. _she asked for a refill, she forgot about it completely when she came over, and headed back to OC with an annoyed look. She put the pitcher on the table a bit too loudly…

"didn't go so good did it"said OC more than asking when she saw her friends face

"no, it didn't. he's just so annoying. I went there trying to help him and he's just brushing me off!" said Max angry and annoyed

"huh" was all OC said

"what 'huh'?" asked Max a bit irritated with her friends response. Or maybe, the lack of it?

"nothing"

"oh come on. Not you too!" said Max desperatly

"well, its just, I donnu. But how well do you know Alec? I mean, its not like you're good pals and that. You always say he's a screw up, why really should he talk to you?" OC said, trying to understand this whole thing too.

"well, cause who else is he going to talk too?" said Max annoyed from her friends thoughts. But she had to admit, she had a point. Why should Alec talk to her if she always treat him not so nice. _'cause he can trust me! Who saved his ass so many times huh? Me!'_

"maybe he doesn't want to talk. I mean, its not like you talk that much either ya know" said OC

"what do you mean?"

"common, you know what I mean. Its not like you rush to tell me everything, I have to get it out of you. Maybe that's what you need to do to Alec?" suggested OC

"maybe," said Max, OC was kind of right on that point. Heck she was right about everything so far. "but he doesn't listen to me. He just wants to be left alone" said Max with a small sigh

"than leave him alone" sadi OC with the resenable solution

"I cant do that" said Max arguing

"why not? Its what he wants"

"yeah, but…" she didn't know how to end that sentence

"but what?" asked OC, knowing there was no answer

"I don't know, I'm worried about him. he's not behaving like himself" said Max with a worried tone

"and I say again, how do you know its not the real Alec. Its not like you really know him that well" said OC the plain truth

"it just doesn't seem right… now, can we plz stop talking about this?" Max asked a bit pleading

"whatever you want boo. But stop talking about it wont make it go away ya know" said OC

"I know." Said Max and drank her bear. She really didn't know what to do about Alec. "I think I'm gonna go to Joshua's, I promised him I'll stop by and its getting kinda late…" said Max, just wanting to get out

"sure thing boo. I'll see you at home later than?"

"sure thing" said Max and left to the exit door. Thank god it stopped raining. She got on her baby and sped off to Joshuas.

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Alec was driving on his bike. in the rain. again. _'I cant believe I left crash just because of Max! that girl can be a real pain sometimes…_' he thought, but than _'but she just wants to help you, you should listen to her' not you again. Just stop thinking!'_ he thought to himself angrily and sped off. That wasn't such a good idea, cause it was raining really heavily now, but he didn't care. He drove with no apparent destination, he didn't want to go back to his appartment, so he just drove in the middle of the night in the rain. He didn't know where he was going until he got to Joshua's house _'huh, why did I come over here?'_ he thought confused by his own action. He came to like the big fella, he was so innocent, someone had to look after him… he stopped in front of his house and went in, exactly when it stopped raining _'just my luck I guess'_ he thought with a sad smile ans went in.

He walked around the place, not wanting to wake Joshua up, it was pretty late after all. He walked through the kitchen and to the living room, still, no sign to Joshua. He went to the bedroom and there he was, sleeping, a bit snoring, but fast asleep. He looked so calm and peace, just the oposite from how Alec felt right now. He didn't want to wake him up, so he wandered around the house, coming to a halt infront of the door that leads to the basment. Where the piano was. He couldn't help himself, he opened the door and walked down the staires. He saw the big object covered in a white sheet and removed it. In front of him was a piano, a bit rusty, but still good to play on. He sat on the chair near it, and trailed his fingertips on the keys. For some reason, he loved pplaying on the piano. It was a moment when he didn't care about anything but the music he was creating. Funny, when he was at Manticore he played it emotionless, like a soldier. But when he had his lessons with Rachel, he was the piano teacher, but she was the emotion teacher. And now he played with all his heart one of Chopin's sonates, one that just fit this moment of heart broken and sadness, but still in the need of moving on. The music reflected his feelings. He didn't want to play too loud, so he wont wake up Joshua, but soon he didn't pay attention to nothing but the music. He was oblivious to everthing around him.

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Joshua was sleeping in his bed, when he heard someone enter his house. He wasn't sure wether to be worried or not. Someone just got in the house. But it was the middle of the night, who would come in at such time? _'probably little fella'_ he thought, she had that shark DNA, sure she couldn't sleep or something. But than the door opened, and he heard the person walk in his house. And it wasn't Max, he could recognise her scent everywhere, he had canine DNA after all. No, it was someone else.. it was…Alec? _'that's weird, why is Alec coming here at the midlle of the night?_' Joshua really didn't know the answer, all he knew was that Alec was behaving very strangly the last day. Yesterday at dinner he went down and played the piano _'no one knew he could do that…'_ he thought, and than Alec entered his room. He just stood there, watching Joshua sleeping, it caused a stange feeling on Joshua, but he thought it was better if he pretended to be asleep even when he wasn't. then Alec left the room and was no longer heard for a moment. Than Joshua heard a beautiful sound from the basment. Alec was playing the piano again. _'he playes really well' _Joshua thought. And than he heard another sound from outside, and than the door to his house opened, this time, it was Max. Joshua got up to greet her.

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Max stopped in front of Joshua's house and went in, not even bothering to knock. She walked in a saw Joshua infront of her.

"Joshua! You're up?" she asked a bit confused

"yes." Replied the dogman to her question, not understanding it was retorical.

"yeah, I can see that." Replied Max with a smile. And than she heard this noise that was coming from downstares. "is someone here big fella?" she asked worried

"yeas, its Alec, playing the piano" said Joshua with a smile

"Alec? Here? why?" Max didn't know what to think about this. She didn't think Joshua and Alec were so close he'd come by at this time

"he thinks I'm asleep" explained Joshua, just making Max more confused

"huh?" she asked not understanding whats going on.

"he came just before you did, thought I was asleep and than went to play on the piano!" said Joshua, not understanding the problem

"but why?" asked Max, still not understansing.

"hmm… I don't know, maybe because he wanted to play the piano?" asked Joshua, it was a bit weird he had to admit. But what wasn't weird?

"maybe…." Said Max, not knowing what to think. The 'noise' wasn't really a noise, it was a beautiful sound, that Alec was creating. So soft, and both angry but sad. So full with emotion…

"Alec plays good on the piano" Joshua pointed out with a smile

"yeah, really nice…" said Max, she didn't know whether she should go to him, or just leave.' _He wanted to be alone, remember?_' a voice in her head reminded her. She thought that talking with him wont help him nor her, it didn't go so well last time, so she decided to respect his wish and leave him alone. She felt strange standing here with Joshua listening to Alec playing. Alec thought Joshua was sleeping, and didn't know she was here, she had a feeling he didn't want to be heard playing the piano. And it felt to Max as if she's looking right through his soul, and that made her feel strange, she felt like she should go, and respect his feelings. "so, I'm gonna go now, just stopped by to give you some food" said Max and handed Joshua a big brown paper bag "I'll stop by tommorow to see you. Bye" she said and before he could protest she was out of his house.

Joshua was left in the middle of the living room, standing with a bag fool of food in his hands, not knowing what to do.

"well, I think I'll go to sleep" he said, placed the bag on the counter in the kitchen and went to sleep. The music helped him fall asleep, he didn't even noticed when Alec left.

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Alec was playing, putting all of him in the music, he didn't even notice that Max came and left. When he finished playing, he had this feeling that even though he's upset now, he'll be o.k. he's a surviver, he cant think too much about his past, it wont do him no good. Whats done is done, and there's nothiing he can do about it. With that encouraging thought he got up, closed the piano, covered it back with the white sheet, like he was tucking it to sleep, and headed up the stairs. When he went through the kitchen he noticed a smell that he was pretty sure wasn't there when he came.' _Strange_' then, as he passed the counter he noticed the brown bag. _'who came to Joshua at this tim_e?' he thought confused, _'well, you did'_ he thought, and than he realized there was only one person that would come to Joshua so late. Max. _'Max was here, when I played'_ that fact made him feel strange, like he accidentally opened his heart to her. _'at least she didn't come to say hey. She must have known I was here, must have heard me play' _he thought with a smile _'so she respeected my request, who would have thought?'_ and with that thought he knew things will be o.k, they had to be. He left Josha's house, mentaly thanking him for just being there, even when he was sleeping, this whole thing did him good, and he left to his appartment to get some sleep. The last few days were hectic, and now it's a new week, time for a new start.

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**A/N: so? what do you guys think? plz let me know! and tell me if you want me to continue or not...:)**


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